Love and jealousy

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Watched 'Sister's Keeper' yesterday, which made me see grace epitomised in a young girl dying of cancer, Kate, who accepts all suggestions, regardless how futile, with a smile.  She is loving and kind at all times in the end, when her death is imminent, and it made me realise how unimportant it is to get uptight about something.  If someone gives a trivial response or advice, it is not worth getting upset about.  Just smile and accept it with grace. 

Today I watched a completely different kind of movie called 'Vicky Catherine Barcelona' with Scarlett Johannsen and Penelope Cruz.  It bordered on erotica, but its message to me was the eventuality of one's conscience kicking in, when you become tired of living out apparent sexual fantasies or romances that are fine in your imagination but lead to jealousy and rage to the nth degree.  Because as humans we do seek that one person we want to spend the rest of our lives with and have a normal happy family life and yet still be in love with our partners.  

What it made me realise - watching these movies - is that both were set in completely different scenes, and I am about to change my scene from South Africa to South Korea, and it makes me wonder, what story I will be able to tell, and will it be interesting?  I mean, I have only this one life to live, and I want to make it worthwhile, not dry and boring, not sad and angry, not mundane and mediocre, and definitely not a mistake.  Yes, I have issues to deal with inside of me.  I do.  I even know what they are.  

I thought about it today: "I hate how she screams at me" actually means "I hate that she screams at me", so it is the same with my wording, "I hate how she seems better than I" means "I hate that she is better than I".  Perhaps it is just time to accept this belief I have and stop fighting it, and realise that life is made up of people who are better than I, and people who are worse than I.  Should I kill myself over this?  Or the "better" person? (as Penelope Cruz wanted to do in the movie) No.  What should I do?  Try to set up people who I think are good enough for each other?  And step away?  Or simply realise the state I am in and move along, getting to that place where I will simply be who I am and be happy with myself?  It seems too wishy-washy, too cliched.  

One thought did cross my mind today which I welcome to stay, and that is, instead of always thinking I will lose a man to another woman, think of losing him to death.  What I mean to say is that we are often worried about not being good enough and about our spouses having affairs, but in the movie 'Sister's Keeper', the relationship Kate shared with Taylor was so beautiful and pure because they knew they were dying.  They realised their human frailty and they held onto love when they found it.  It was beautiful, and it made me appreciate life and love so much more.  



  


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