The future

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I paid the deposit.  I am going to Korea.  My flight is on 16 February.  How do I sell my car?  I believe my decision hasn't dawned on me yet.  I think about wanting to ballroom dance, scuba-dive, learn to cook Italian dishes.  In Korea, I probably won't pursue these hobbies.  

Friends have warned me, life goes on while you are away.  Indeed, when I return to Africa, everyone will have changed, and perhaps the people I have met will have moved on to the extent of having little or nothing in common with me.  

But should a person stay even if it means staying behind?  Staying means NOT experiencing a new country, a new language, a new culture.  It means NOT trying something new.  It means NOT giving up your life and its comforts.  

I am going East, to a country as foreign to me as octopus to an orangutan.  That's okay.  I would rather regret than not know.  I would rather travel now than get hitched.  I would rather be lonely than wrong, as Alec Baldwin was recently quoted saying.  

I don't think I have met "the one", although the one I have met is certainly a great catch for any woman.  I wonder why I have the fortunate opportunity to have this single, tall, dark and handsome, affluent and gentle man interested in me.  Perhaps it is my very attitude of leaving that attracts this man to me, for I cannot comprehend our connection.  

Otherwise we don't have a lot in common: background, culture, language, hobbies, goals, faith, career, etc.  Furthermore, I know someone who does have a lot in common with him, and who is a wonderful woman, and I just can't help wondering if I was not meant to be the matchmaker rather than the potential partner.  But I cannot play God.  This is a dangerous game.  

I don't understand my own thoughts and feelings in this regard and wish wholeheartedly that I could overcome or deal with my affectations with reason rather than rhyme, with spiritual wisdom rather than human fleshly emotions.  I wish I knew how to react differently to what is going on inside me.  

Jealousy aside, confusion aside, worry aside, I just want to enjoy myself with friends, including male friends, and just be myself, accepting all things as they are, and not analysing too deeply what is going to happen in the future, but instead just enjoying each moment for what it is.  

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