A calling

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Oh how marvelous is this life!  Full of decisions I don't know how to make, I sit down with a cup of coffee and start the thinking process, only to find out that the more I think about something, the further I am from doing something.  

"Should I stay or should I go now?" is a song I used to mosh to at White Horse during my scholarly education.  It is a theme song that has run through my life for the pure and simple reason of being so apt to so many of my situations, namely the decision of coming or going.  Is it always better to go?  

"Go and make disciples of all nations," Jesus says, but I sit here thinking, "Where exactly do you want me to go, God?"  After all, the world is a big place, and I am but a speck of dust on it.  How do I make the best decision?  Pros and cons?  Prayer?  Gut feeling?  Wherever the wind blows?  

I think of the idea of making a short term plan and a long term plan, and I wonder what mine is.  And I wonder if I am making the best decision for my long term or my short term plan.  What would be better for me in the long run?  Where do I want to land up?  I suppose, the only thing that matters is that I end up with God.  

Whatever brings me closer to God, whatever brings me into His presence, wherever I feel His divinity, and wherever God wants me to be His instrument of love, peace, hope and grace, there He will lead me, and I will follow.  "I will follow Him, follow Him wherever He may go, there isn't a mountain too steep..."  So the song goes, and may I sing it in my heart always.  For I have no greater love than His. 

My humanness is so limited, it makes me mad.  But, on the other hand, I look upwards, skywards, and I seek out God.  I seek Him out, and there are times that I am with Him, and it is just Him and I, and I remember these moments as more special than any other in my life.  I find it bizarre that my most precious memories should be of Him and I, which others perceived, most likely, of just me alone.  When it was not so.  For He was with me when I visited my dad in hospital and sat down on a bench in the hospital gardens, or when I was at home, wanting to go out, but no one responded, so I landed up spending time with Him, and I was overjoyed thereafter.  Or yesterday morning when He woke me at five o'clock and we spent an hour together, and then He brought two grey loeries to my window.  It was wonderful.  

What am I looking for?  In Korea?  Adventure?  To tick off on my Bucket List: Go to the East?  Money?  A springboard to the world?  The kickstart to my career?  Tolerance and understanding?  Is God calling me to Korea?      

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