What's in a cup?

Part A: If I were stranded on an island, what three movies would I like to have taken with me? Part B: Reason for choosing these movies 1. Avatar - the main character is disabled,  but when he is enters the other world, he can do anything he sets his mind to. I also enjoyed how the love story unfolds. I find it intriguing how the corrupt outside world tries to destroy the magical inner world. 2. My Fair Lady - I guess I am a sucker for rags to riches stories. I love the accents, the music, the love story, the finesse of Mr Higgins, and the linguistic tools he uses to make Eliza speak proper English. I believe this movie to have influenced me to choose my academic degree many years later. 3. The Book Thief - it is based on a novel, which in turn is based on a fictional but plausible family during the Nazi regime. Being both German and an avid reader, I loved this story. I like to feel, even when it is sad, and I remember this movie to be deeply moving.  Part C: What do...

I walked into the room with a sense of anticipation. I knew I could do this. There were many aspects of a relationship I felt I struggled with, but this part of being a supportive listener and caring for someone - that role I could play. I knelt down next to the couch he had grown accustomed to and listened to the words and to his heart. And I found it difficult to hear his heart. I felt his heaviness after having confronted his dad about the announced divorce, but hearing him tell me how it went, I thought perhaps a greater comfort to him would have been a humorous friend, or someone who could draw out the depths in him. I felt insufficient. When you start crossing boundaries from friendship to romance, there is a shift that takes place. For a woman, it is that allowance to care. It was a desire of mine to understand him better, to connect on a deeper emotional level, and to be his comforter. I wanted to take away his pain, his disappointment, his heartache. Ironically he simply e...

Tell me about the turning points in your life. Tell me what they turned you to. Tell me who they turned you into. Tell me about the greatest moments in your life, the ones you are most proud of, the ones that you remember fondly, the ones that still make you smile to this day. Tell me about your deepest hurts and fears. Tell me how they came about. Describe to me your hurt. Compare it to something else so that I can understand. Tell me about your fears so that I can see in my mind's eye what you see when you are afraid. Tell me your desires. What do you long for? What do you desire? What are you missing? What makes you feel unfulfilled? What do you think you need in order to feel complete? Tell me about yourself and show me God. Show me how God has worked in your soul and in your life. Show me what God has done in you and through you, with you and for you. Show me the difference in your life from before you knew God until now, when God is in your life. Tell me your secr...

I had a music lesson today and in it I learnt about the role intruders play. Today my teacher was busy teaching me about chords. She teaches children, so her explanations are geared towards the young & restless. This musical expert is witty and bright. She is a wonderful teacher.  She compares notes to people. Three notes belong together to make a chord. They are family. But in a bar you can also have friends, notes that do not belong to the chord but that still work well together. You also have those exotic friends that come to visit you once in a blue moon from a strange and wonderful land, and they too are welcome. They make the song interesting. But then you have intruders. Their note is false. It hurts. You will hear it immediately if you play them and are not tone deaf. These intruders do not belong in any song. They are mistakes. My teacher said, if you are unsure about the note you are playing, or how long it must be played, it is forgivable. But if you play th...

I'm singing 'Big mistake' by Natalie Imbruglia. I never used to admit mistakes and regrets,  as though they would minimise me. Instead I would say, I have learnt from them  and wait for the lessons to write themselves. Now I am more humble perhaps. Or more mature. It was a mistake. I am sorry for what took place.  I cannot take back my actions, but I confess and repent.  I must break free from the arms around me. True freedom is not doing what you want.  It is not about taking advantage of every opportunity.  It is not about having choices and choosing them all. True freedom is about living with yourself in peace  because of the choices you make.   "Emotions buried alive never die."  The lust of the body disables the body of the soul. #MyBodyMyTemple

Dear Ghost, I believe in learning a lesson from everyone I meet. So I leaned in. I have been wrapped up in the memory of you but your ghost has scorched me through. You invited me into your bubble and then burst it with your silence. You shared your mess with me and then left me alone with mine. We met at a pivotal point in our lives. You came from order and welcome chaos. I came from chaos and seek order now. I thought much of you, and then I thought much about you. I wish you had spoken your mind so that you could die to me rather than remain a ghost. I am standing with the long end of the cord of connection in my hand, the cord you cut short on your end and the one I need to let go of, for it is clear it won't become a knot. Now all I am left with is: God knew you before you got lost.

I am Disappointed by a man. But Appointed by Jesus. I have been faithful I have no regrets I am relieved I did not let him touch an inch of my skin. He was Disappointed by a woman But Appointed by God I pray he surrenders his body, mind and will to the Almighty God so that he can honor Him in spirit and in truth Disappointed by man. Appointed by God.

The words he said Went straight to the region Where butterflies live Where butterflies live I'm told they don't last forever And I know you cannot touch their wings Or they'll die But I love to be in that place while they're alive. Where butterflies live Where butterflies live ... They died.

My heart didn't melt. It warmed up, but it never got hot enough. I fell in love once, completely. It was all-consuming. The colours of my world became brighter. After the heartache of unrequited love I concluded that falling in love was the stupidest thing to do and I vowed not to fall but step in love instead. Where I am now is a place of decision. I believe I can choose whether to fall in love or not. And no one seems right for me. I don't want to fall in love without my mind. I want to like and love him at the same time. Who does God have in mind for me?

Bevor ich geboren bin, bin ich gestorben. Warum bleiben dann Gefühle meines eigenen Gewissens? Warum bleiben die Gedanken und die Träume meines eigenen Lebens, wenn mich doch Gott neu geschaffen hat, mir neues Blut gegeben hat, mich in eine neue Familie hat gebracht? Ich will nicht mehr traurig sein, dass mein Leben mir wie nichts vorkommt, dass ich mir so unglaublich wertlos vorkomme, und stattdessen will ich den Glauben fassen, dass Gott mich tatsächlich in Seinen Händen trägt, und mich wirklich beschützt vom Bösen. Ich will mich vergessen, mich verlieben, und dann für andere leben, für einen Sinn außerhalb meiner Wünsche, eine Gnade und Liebe erfahren, die nicht aus dieser Welt stammt, sondern ganz weit entfernt und doch so nah. Ich freue mich auf keinen Tod, doch meiner ist schon vergangen, und mein neues Leben hat schon begonnen, jedoch sieht es manchmal nicht danach aus, und ich schäme mich, dass ich mich nicht mehr hab vertraut an den Herrn, den lieben ...

Wann zuletzt habe ich dich gesehen, gespürt, erlebt? Du warst einmal, zweimal, dreimal in meinem Leben, in meinem Herzen, und du warst das tollste Gefühl, das es je gab, jedes Mal ein bisschen anders. Einmal leidenschaftlich, einmal sensibel, und einmal sanft. Doch jedes Mal habe ich dich genossen. Jedes Mal erschien die Welt in bunten Farben, und ich war erfüllt und inspiriert. Du bist das, wonach ich mich sehne, du bist das, was mir im Leben am wichtigsten ist. Ich suche dich schon so lange. Eigentlich bist du schon lange bei mir. Viele Jahre schon. Ich nehme dich nicht immer wahr. Ich spüre nicht einmal deine Nähe. Ich will dich nicht mehr suchen. Ich glaube fest an dich, an deine Anwesenheit, deine wahrhaftige Existenz, deine Kraft, uns als Menschen zu ändern. Ich habe dich schon lange, meine Liebe, und nun muss ich dich teilen, denn nur so lebst du weiter.

Fellow Christians will say, we need to know our identity in Christ. At first I did not know what to make of this statement. It baffled me. What it means is that we need to come to an understanding of our relationship with God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. I am a child of God. I am the daughter of the Most High. I am an heir to His kingdom. I am a friend of God. I am also here to do His will. For my spiritual growth and maturity, I need to identify with that, rather than the identities I have taken on before, identities which were essentially labels that people placed on me, either to tease me because they liked me, because they disliked me, because they were jealous of me or because they were trying to protect me. To give yourself an identity based on your habits or peers can give a person a sense of belonging, but if the identity is destructive, it becomes a prison. Identity often has to do with family. When someone asks us about our identity, we think of our date of bi...

I have been tasked with the question, Why does God not answer prayer? And I take it that this question came up from someone who has been deeply disappointed, someone who is feeling hurt, despondent, even angry and enraged. To grapple with the question of why God does not always answer our prayers, I have come to ask myself, when does God answer prayers? Scripture tells us, if two or more are gathered together in the name of Jesus, God hears us. God tells us to bring all our burdens and petitions to Him. He reminds us over and over again to pray to Him, to trust in Him, to seek first His kingdom and all the things we seek will be given to us. When it comes to prayer, God has given us an example of a righteous prayer. His main desire seems to be having communion with us, to spend time with us, to have us pray and have His Holy Spirit respond and guide us in our daily walk. God reminds us that He tests the heart, that what is most important to Him is our motives. He judges the heart...

I admire those personalities that are friendly and take you into your confidence. I admire those personalities that have a sharp sense of humour and can make everyone laugh. I admire those personalities that are intelligent, who can tell interesting stories and who are sure of what they know. And I also admire the humble, the ones that work hard and do not seek the glory. I admire those who are passionate about what they do. I admire those that work quietly but with great results. I admire those who are generous and hospitable, and I admire those who are down-to-earth and happy within themselves. I admire the good-looking, the slim, the talented, I admire the ones that know how to give a good speech, a good sermon, those who manage to grab your intention and intrigue you with their words. I admire the kind-hearted, the witty, those who can laugh at themselves and find humour in everyday life. I admire the philosophical amongst us, those who can find meaning in everything, and the...

One of the greatest holds on us is the need for approval. We act in certain ways to get people's approval. One of the hardest lessons I am going through right now as a manager and therefore a boss is not to seek the approval of my staff nor of my colleagues or my superiors. As long as I work with integrity, I ought to find satisfaction in my work and not fear what others say. Integrity is doing what is right. Sometimes there is no clear right or wrong, and yet you can still anger someone. You can inadvertently step on someone's toes or offend someone, and under stress perhaps not have been the most polite. I believe an apology is never too late, as long as it is sincere. I believe in being the bigger person, to apologise first, even if you feel you were wronged as well. What the apology should be about, however, is not to seek approval but to genuinely reconnect and ease any tension that may have arisen out of a situation. There is nothing wrong with being well-mannered a...

And just as I was feeling empty, I am reminded that I am filled with the Holy Spirit. I was going through my old diaries yesterday night after not being tired from reading my current book, 1421, and wanted to remind myself of where I have come from and what I have been through, to perhaps lessen the pinch of my self-confessed mid-life crisis, presuming I make it to eighty. This feeling of emptiness overwhelms me at times. It is a feeling of disappointment in myself, in who I have become, in my accomplishments so far, and I judge myself as not good enough. It is a destructive thought pattern that I know is bad for my thought life and its subsequent manifestations in my life, and a thought process which I actively need to suppress or redirect. Emptiness is actually a desired state in many religions, and even as a Christian it is good to be empty of self in order to focus on God and to make space for the Holy Spirit. After quoting the poem by Lao Tzu yesterday, I realised this morning...

Thirty spokes will converge In the hub of a wheel; But the use of the cart Will depend on the part Of the hub that is void. With a wall all around A clay bowl is moulded; But the use of the bowl Will depend on the part Of the bowl that is void. Cut out windows and doors In the house as you build; But the use of the house Will depend on the space In the walls that is void. So advantage is had From whatever is there; But usefulness rises From whatever is not. - Poem 11 from 'The Way of Life" by Lao Tzu

We live in the 21st century when populism trumps democracy and radicalist terrorists take their lives in order to take others. We live in the 21st century, when the world became a global village,  and societies swayed from left to right politically but were taught to act liberally. The 21st century lacks no surprises when we consider sexuality, beauty, technology. We have it all, the rich say, whilst the poor: we have nothing at all.  We live in the 21st century,  when the futuristic films start becoming reality and we live on pills and rely heavily on technology and celebrate ambidexterity and gender fluidity.

As the old lady finished telling me her sad story, I realised that her story evoked in me the feeling of pity, and in that moment I reflected upon my own storytelling of hardship and heartache, and concluded that from now on I needed to evoke not pity, but its antidote in the form of shared insight and thus evoke feelings of relief, empathy, and respect. Listening to someone who concludes negatively can be taxing. When we listen to someone, we often listen for the conclusion. We wait unwittingly for the punchline or the moral of the story. If the speaker ends his or her story with a great sigh, we feel disappointed that the story did not have a happy ending. We expect a conclusion, a lesson, or a laugh. After all, the listener will be seeking out consciously or subconsciously something that will inspire or motivate him or her, something new that he or she can add to her repertoire of facts or life lessons.  We do not want to listen to someone moan or complain, unl...

I guess I have not had the life of many naughty forties because I am not married with children, so I do not relate to the many millions of women out there that share their stories about love, engagement, wedding, childbearing, childrearing and in some cases, divorce. I am at peace with that, when I think back on my life and realise that I made the best choices I could at the time. So I have filled my mind, my heart and my soul with different things, or perhaps the same as other women, but simply left out the many thoughts and feelings that they have experienced due to their matrimonial commitments. I still feel like 25 sometimes, as though I just finished studying, just finished going through the wildest parties of my life, and I am just about to embark on my journey of life, to climb the corporate ladder, although this has never been my ambition, and find the love of my life. What happened at 26 was that I decided to follow Jesus Christ, and even though I was far from a saint after...

I woke up alone and realised that my people had already left without me. I was a late sleeper and stubborn to wake up, so it did not surprise me that they had left me behind. The fire had gone out, and nothing was left behind except the dirt beneath my feet. So I picked up my sack and headed north. I saw their backs as they headed up the steep hill. They were walking up slowly, in small groups, with metres of space between them. I knew there were close to a thousand folk making their way up the mountain. They could not see far ahead, and they were reserving their energy, so they walked like stubborn donkeys, silent, quiet, with just their nearest and dearest in their hands. I felt guilty, or rather pressurised, to catch up, to show face, so I edged myself to the right where I was suddenly in a clearing. I wondered briefly why no one was walking there. It was so dusty that I could not see even two metres ahead of me. The next thought I had was filled with an image of a stor...

The apostle Peter was considered a most undiplomatic man before his conversion, when his name was Simon. He was blunt, often putting his foot in it, possibly offending his listeners rather than charming them. He loved passionately and was quick to identify Jesus as the Messiah, confessing as much when Jesus asked him. It was Peter to whom Jesus responded, "Get behind me, Satan", when he was prophesying his own death and Peter did not accept Jesus' fate and wanted to deny this prophecy. Despite his confession of love for Jesus, his faith in Him as the Christ, the Messiah, the Saviour of the world, the one who will bring all humans to the kingdom of God if they believed, he denied Jesus three times, just as Jesus predicted. Jesus told him he would deny him three times before his crucifixion, and he would know this when the cock has crowed three times. The fact that he denied Christ led him into depression, for he felt disloyal, weak, pathetic. However, even though i...

In 2003 my heart started beating for God. I fell in love with His Word and His Way, and in 2004 I was baptised. Our union has been much like a marriage. Initially I was madly in love, but then the thorns and thistles of this world left me with feelings of resentment, bitterness and anger. Even though I knew to go to God and speak to Him and all would be forgiven and resolved, I did not know how to communicate with Him. I still love God very much, and I never want to leave nor forsake Him. I want our relationship to improve, to get better, to take us beyond human love.  I know God to be omniscient and omnipotent. He is everywhere at the same time, all-knowing, all-powerful. So I remind myself, as a feeling of loneliness, resentment and jealousy rises in me, because I yearn for His attention. I feel like I am competing for His attention, that His relationship to His other children is better than the relationship He has with me. I know it is a silly thought, but it also spurns me ...