What's in a cup?

So this is it, going to a place I have wanted to go for many years - Sodwana Bay, where you can snorkel and see the underworld of fish. I am going camping with couch-surfers and friends alike. The couch surfers are from various countries, and I look forward to meeting them and learning about their culture, their country and their beliefs. Besides Sodwana Bay, we are visiting St. Lucia and various other places along the Elephant Coast. There are 7 of us in all, a great number! According to Malcolm Gladwell, 7 is the best number for a group, so you can get to know each other at just the right level - he calls it the law of 150! But more on that another time. I am putting aside my concerns for school and return to Rustenburg and trusting the Lord that I can fully immerse myself in Him this holiday. Thank you for this opportunity, my God! I won't be online for a week, and I will sorely miss writing online, but I am an old-fashioned girl in some ways and always keep a dia...

Tomorrow I leave for the Elephant Coast. Right now the wind is swirling up the leaves and pushing the trees to and fro, and bringing my thoughts into its whirl. What the world does not see of me is what captures much of me. It is wise to disguise your passions, the sage Balthazar has claimed, and yet my faith is to play a transparent game. Is that right? I write in ink on dotted lines, and hope that the reader will draw the lines, and one day when it all makes sense and I write a postcard to a best friend in San Francisco or Montego Bay, I will smile and wash away all the pains that hide behind the smile I was taught in Grade 9. Smile, they say, fake it til you make it, and all that jazz. It seems the way, the only way, to catch your breath and continue to stay, in the path of light. Because life works also from outside in, not just from inside out. Let me save my musings for another day, for thus far the wind still whirls up my thoughts in disarray, and yet when morning...

In light of my recent emotional state, this message by John W. Ritenbaugh just about saved me from becoming a bitter old hag; now I can just become old: "...a godly sorrow unto repentance can actually give Satan the opportunity to turn a person's feelings about his sin into an abnormal self-pity, which will destroy that despairing person's relationship with the church and with God. He can turn such a person into a bitter cynic. The Devil is that clever. It does not end there. In addition, he can turn the righteous indignation of those who are offended by another's sin into bitter self-righteousness if they do not forgive and forget and move on. He gets people going and coming unless they are aware that he can turn something good into a ploy to destroy a person's relationship with God and the church. These are not the only weapons that Satan has in his arsenal. Remember, we are involved in a war, and a general will employ every kind of ploy, device, tool, or ...

This post was written in response to the articles I read on the BOUNDLESS website, eg. http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001193.cfm I love God! Wow, I want to live like that, God! I want to be so pure that I can just be everyone's sister. I don't want to date anyone ever again. That lifestyle is not for me. I know it might seem radical to some (and to me), but anything in between is not giving me the freedom that I just experienced from this revelation that not only is it possible to have these kind of relationships between man and woman, but it is how we can experience what God wants to give us - trust, hope, faith, love, etc. I know I am super-excited right now about not dating - never thought I'd say that - and already I want to slash the devil with the sword as he approaches, but I just feel God's holy presence rising in my heart and in my being and giving me his armour of righteousness to wear so that I can go into battle. I sense the spirit of Joa...

When I watched Coco Chanel on DVD, I realised that her life was predetermined. No one else could have done what she did. There was only one Coco Chanel. There was only one woman that went through what she had to go through to become a well-respected fashion icon. She didn't do anything except accept her fate and make the best out of what she was given. When I watched Martin Luther King on DVD, I realised that his life was predetermined. No one else could have done what he did. There was only one Martin Luther King. There was only one man who went through what he had to go through to bring freedom to black Americans. He didn't do anything except accept his fate and obey the Lord in doing His will. Our lives are predetermined. No one can replace us. There is only one of you and one of me. And God will put us through what He knows we can bear, though perhaps our neighbor would not. And God will put us through things whilst our neighbor is going through something t...

Dear Lord, You say that in this cup are many blessings. You say that I am blessed in abundance, that my cup is filled til overflowing. I think of the Pharisees that are compared to white-washed tombs because they are clean on the outside but on the inside they are rotten. Their cups are washed only on the outside, but inside they are stained with dirt. It is by grace alone that I have been saved and thus cleansed on the inside. On hard days, I am reminded more of Jesus' cup of suffering, how he asked You to remove this cup from Him, the cup of suffering, but he added, let not my will but your will be done, and so it came that Jesus had to suffer death by crucifixion - oh what a dreadful end, my Father, if it weren't for His glorious resurrection, our hope of eternal life in heaven. Thank you. Most of the time when I think of Jesus' crucifixion and resurrection, I feel so sorry that he had to go through that pain. It is as though I remain there, angry that he h...

Have you ever had one of those days when you realise that once you dreamt of this time in your life? When I was young, I always wanted to be older, just like the kids in my class. I wanted to know I was an adult, and I could make decisions for myself. Now I am just that - an adult. Oh, how the children envy me! I feel as though my dream to be a teacher and lead a simple life has come true, and it is so wonderful to work for this small, private school with supportive colleagues and the most graceful principal on planet earth. There are few children in each class, so I get to know them intimately, and I have come to love and adore them. It is the best grounds for me to learn to be a teacher. And the parents bring fresh fruits and vegetables in crates and flowers for the teachers on a regular basis because most of them work on farms, which is truly a fantastic benefit! I am so excited to have this opportunity to teach German because the best way to learn a language and get to...

In the film Life is beautiful a wise man tells the fool, there is a big difference between serving and being a servant. God serves people, but He is not man's servant. A serving God God the Son served mankind by righting wrongs, feeding the hungry, and healing the sick, lame and blind. God the Son served mankind by trying to convince us that his father in heaven sent him to show us that there is such a place for all of us to enter. Jesus served us whilst on earth with his many miraculous deeds, but this alone did not convince the human race. What people needed to know was that this kingdom was real - that there really was such a place of eternity with a loving God. Jesus served us by becoming a living sacrifice. He served us by obeying his father in heaven until death. He served us by revealing the Father in heaven. He served us by his faith that he would resurrect after three days, or else he might not have gone through with his sacrifice. Once Jesus had done w...

There is so much wisdom expressed so economically by Balthasar Aphorism #65 Elevated Taste. Posted: You can train it like the intellect. Full knowledge whets desire and increases enjoyment. You may know a noble spirit by the elevation of his taste: it must be a great thing that can satisfy a great mind. Big bites for big mouths, lofty things for lofty spirits. Before their judgment the bravest tremble, the most perfect lose confidence. Things of the first importance are few; let appreciation be rare. Taste can be imparted by intercourse: great good luck to associate with the highest taste. But do not affect to be dissatisfied with everything: ’tis the extreme of folly, and more odious if from affectation than if from Quixotry. Some would have God create another world and other ideals to satisfy their fantastic imagination.

There is nothing left. Everything is right.

There is a stillness that speaks a thousand words and one that speaks absolutely none at all. In the stillness of God you can find a thousand messages but between friends stillness bears either peace or war. In the crater of Vredefoort, a crater of 300km in diameter, I came to understand that my depressions can last just as long - 300km long - or I can look up from where I am and see what the asteroid that hit planet earth those millions of years ago created - the mountains that surround me, and I can look at them in awe! And communicate the wonder of it all with my God in heaven and with my friends on earth.

The following poem was written by a class 8 pupil of the German School in Kroondal. It was written during her November exam, and its message was a great encouragement to me personally on the day I read it, so I asked her permission to publish and she gave it freely. Its ending is sad but realistic. I liked it, hope you do too. The translation follows. Der rosa Blüten hat Kurz aber prächtig ist der Baum, Mit einem süßen, kurzen Traum. Rosa, grüne, braune Farben Wollte er schon immer haben. Hat er die Farb’ auch bekommen, So wird sie ihm bald genommen. Von Anke Pape Kroondal, 2010 Translation (without rhyme): That which carries pink flowers Short-lived but glorious is the tree that has a sweet, short dream. Pink, green and brown colors were what he dreamt to have. As soon as he received these, as soon as they were taken from him.

I don't know where this strength is coming from. I keep seeing this picture of a blood-red healthy heart, and it's mine. It is whole. Still my mind is in torment. I keep renouncing the negative and declaring the Lordship of Jesus Christ in my life. I must. I wonder if my mind will ever be completely aligned to Christ's. To connect to someone body, mind, heart and soul is my deepest desire. I remember when I was young feeling beautiful inside, then looking at myself in the mirror and thinking that it didn't really show on the outside, but I thought one day someone will see me, inside, and find me beautiful there. Don't let life change you, T.B. Joshua preached in one of his sermons. The disappointments in life, the unexplained and inexplicable tragedies in one's life and the serial heartaches one endures can make you into someone who remains disappointed, remains confused, and remains hurt and broken. And these pains can become roots of bitterness...

A friend of mine and I are trying to escape. We are in a huge house. There are stairs leading up. We enter a small room. It seems to be an attic of sorts. A place of storage. It is not fancy. Perhaps no one will find us here. I am living in this little room now. It’s not that bad. It’s small, but it has a kitchen, and there is a couch. There is someone already living there. I think it’s an Indian lady. My friend is not around anymore. The girl whose place I was inhabiting told her mother, who was living there as well (the Indian lady), that I had come just at the right time. I was sent. And I thought, if only you knew my story! If only you knew I was trying to escape and that I had nowhere else to go. But she felt blessed that I was there. I remember she had black, shoulder-length hair and a friendly smile. Suddenly I was driving towards a four-story house. I was with family, and we were driving towards our winter home. This house was situated in the woods. ...

What I have done since arriving in Rustenburg! - I was saying to my neighbor today, I have done things this year I have never done before I came here. I was referring to food, mainly. Because Tannie Ellen loves to cook and bake, and she is always sharing her goodies with me, and she is teaching me new things all the time! She is one of the greatest blessings I have received this year. Today we made curry peach chutney. At the weekend I took a spontaneous drive to the Magaliesburg with a friend of mine. We arrived unexpectedly at friends of hers, who own a peach orchard. The gentleman led me through the orchard and said I could pick all the ripe yellow peaches from his trees, and then his wife was kind enough to give me the recipe for a curry peach chutney, delicious with braaivleis, she added. So off we went, having returned to Rusty a whole lot richer - in adventure, food and fun! - and Tannie Ellen went to work - and put me to work - straight away. We peeled the peaches,...

'The name Nicholas [and Nicole] comes from the Greek word nikao and means overcomer or victor. The word nikao is used in two significant places in Scripture related to prophetic warfare. First, in Luke 11:22 , Jesus Himself talked about overcoming the strongman. The second reference is found in Revelation 2 and 3 and is addressed to the churches in the cities concerning their need to overcome. A particularly powerful promise was given in Revelation 2:26 to the church in Thyatira, "And he who overcomes , and keeps My works until the end, to him I will give power over the nations" (italics added).'(Cindy Jacobs' The Voice of God ) Luke 11:14 Now Jesus was driving out a demon that was dumb; and it occurred that when the demon had gone out, the dumb man spoke. And the crowds marveled. 11:15 But some of them said, He drives out demons [because He is in league with and] by Beelzebub, the prince of demons, 11:16 While others, to try {and} test {and} tempt...

I learnt two things today. The first was through Simon Röhrs, a ten-year old boy in Grd 4. He wrote an essay about his favorite hobby, and his favorite hobby is reading. Whilst starting off normally, in the second paragraph he described himself changing into a rat - "die Leseratte" - someone who reads a little is called a rat in German. When I read the piece, I laughed out loud. It was brilliant. But therein lies not the lesson. The lesson lay in the fact that Simon Röhrs was brilliant despite his apparent disorder - his desk is always a mess, papers scatter around him like leaves from an autumn tree, and he looks at me quizzically when I ask for his homework, being the only one in class who didn't know what the homework was. His average is 86% at school. It just goes to show that having order on the outside does not necessarily bring about brilliance in output. I realised I didn't have to have all my ducks in a row. One duck could be going in the opposit...

A haiku on grief: A life now lifeless His broken heart now heartless Colors colorless A haiku is a Japanese poem that aims to capture a moment. It consists of three verses - the first one has 5 syllables, the second 7, and the third 5 again.

I am swimming in a covered swimming pool. I am swimming in the left-most lane. I am wearing my cap, goggles and flippers, and I am on my back, kicking both legs simultaneously. The corners of the swimming pool seem dark. There is a sense of desolation. No one is here except me, a time-keeper and a little boy. The little boy is swimming in the lane next to me. He has short brown hair. He must be about nine years old. He is swimming. He isn't wearing flippers. I can't see if he is wearing a cap and goggles. I am faster than he - a lot faster. My time-keeper is on my shoulder. An angel. I excuse my speed with the fact that I am wearing flippers. As I swim, I think I am not really doing anything. I didn't know what technique I needed to learn to use my hands to swim skilfully. Suddenly I am walking up a flight of stairs. There are only three steps. My friend is with me. I enter a room that has wooden planks beautifully decorating the floor. I recognise N...

Thanks to Nee (1972), my mind was able to connect the dots in one centripetal motion to cause a revelation in my mind. After reading this excerpt, I felt I owed all authority figures in my life some mark of respect. And I wanted to meet as many authority figures as possible. This is what it said: 'Some think our Lord's prayer in Gethsemane when His sweat fell like great drops of blood was due to the weakness of His flesh, to His fear of drinking the cup. Not at all, for the prayer in Gethsemane is on the same principle as 1 Samuel 15:22. It is the highest prayer in which our Lord expresses His obedience to God's authority. Our Lord obeys God's authority first, more than sacrificing Himself on the cross. He prays earnestly that He may know what is the will of God. He does not say, "I want to be crucified, I must drink the cup." He merely insists on obeying. He says in effect, "If it be possible for me not to go to the cross," but even...

I am here to prepare for my next meeting with the Lord. When next I see him, I want to be blameless. I do not want to go to Him ashamed. I simply want to adore Him. An hour to the Lord might be a thousand years in real time. No matter how long it takes, He expects my trust. He knows it costs me patience to wait on Him, but He is always merciful to be on time. In this time, I will prepare, because I know the Lord is coming. I will clean from my heart what dirt I can - confess my sins and hence unburden myself from them, and in this time, the time He has given me, I will make every effort to show Him my love by fighting for his kingdom.

It's been so long since I have written, I feel I should apologise for my absence, as I used to do to my Dear Diary when I was young and hadn't written to it over an extended period of time, undoubtedly when I did not know what the word extension meant. Furthermore, I must add that I have a conflicting relationship with writing. When I am writing, it feels like it gives my life meaning, and if I don't record at the end of the day the thoughts I had, it is as though that day had not taken place at all. On the other hand, when I don't write, I justify my behavior by saying that I am too busy living life to write about it. I received a phonecall this evening that reminded me of my blog, and when the name "What's in a cup?" was mentioned, I was intrigued, and then the blonde moment passed and I realised that is the name of my very own blog, which plunged me into greater laughter at myself, for that is surely a sign that it's been too long since I ha...

What greater persuasion is there than truth? Let us say truth really does exist. If truth exists, then it is an objective reality. It is not based upon our subjective point of view. It is not a matter of perception, but a reality apart from us. If truth exists, it exists regardless of human perception and human existence. It simply is. It simply is the truth. If truth is an objective reality, that means it is like a ball that has no sides. Truth is not a coin that you can flip on either side. Truth doesn't have simply two sides of a story. If truth were a ball, it would not have sides. You could look at it from any angle and it would still remain circular and complete. And it would seem impossible to get to its core down deep. So let's say truth exists, as an objective reality, as a ball without sides, then what? Why should we bother about truth? Why should we interest ourselves in truth when it so often brings light to things we'd rather keep hidden, li...

When you believe, you had come to believe first and that process meant swiping your mind clean of your prejudices towards God and giving Him a chance. It's saying, Ok, God, so far I don't like what I see or hear, but I am willing to put aside all I have heard about You and am willing to get to know You personally. I am willing to give You a chance. And the reason I am willing to do this is so that I can make up my own mind about You about the purpose of my life about heaven and hell about what happens to my soul when I die about the possibility of purity and innocence and true love and the possibility of eternal life and happiness, and about my specific calling on earth. I don't want to live for myself anymore, but for Your calling on my life. You have called me, here I am! And I trust, once I do on earth what I was made for, I will be happy and live eternally.

This is how I see my soul tonight. This is how I see what is inside my round ball, the world in which I live, which I look out onto as though I were in the centre floating through it and around me is the capsule, filling up with all the natural world... Mostly there are trees, tall and lush green tress, very dense, very dense indeed. There is a shimmer of light that shines through all, causing streaks along the wood-chipped path And there are mountain bike trails and obstacles courses - really just logs and man-made hills And nearby, somewhere down low, is a clear spring stream that runs for miles and miles and miles and eventually flows into an ever-increasing river that eventually shows up rapids of foaming froth that inevitably lands in a large and powerful waterfall, which cascades down and cools everything down, its mist rising from the depth to which it has plunged and then, there are the rocks on which to climb and lie and sleep and rest and soak up the warm su...

She floats in a bubble of love. When she stretches, it stretches. When she curls up into a ball, it carries her. She is not alone anymore. She smiles. There are two in the bubble of love now. The only way to hold their balance is to dance. They don't know if this bubble will one day burst or if it is able to expand but in the bubble of love they are. In the bubble of love they are.

Feel like I have nothing to say these days. Maybe it's just because God has taken my breath away. For once I am dumbstruck by the sudden flip of a coin. Don't want to say anything more on that. Tonight I realised in certain situations at certain times I have a great desire to share my views. Reminds me of my Taoist days, which taught me it is not so important to voice your opinion. Perhaps it is not, and yet when my mind has something to say, it stubbornly persists to be heard. My great desire is to one day be a woman who truly listens. I want to be one of those godly women who asks others about their lives with sincere interest and prays with them and for them, who always puts others' needs first, but is humble enough to also admit her shortcomings or desires, but always with a smile and with gratitude. I think of Heidi Frische, as I write these words, for she is a woman such as this. I am thankful to have gotten to know her, the senior pastor's wife, w...

It is hard to tell where people are. You can learn about their lives through social networks. You can find out what's on their mind and you can see what they have been up to through their pictures and wall posts, their notes and their comments. But you still don't really know where they are at. What are they really thinking about, deep down in their hearts? Sometimes I can look at a person and I can see the anguish, the frustration, the sorrow in their hearts, but I don't know where it's coming from. I can't place its source, and thus far that has always bothered me. It is none of my business, and as Mother Teresa taught me, it is not even important how they got there, but the fact that they are there is what counts. It is the meeting point that counts. The other danger, I realise as I write this, is trying to give someone a solution to a problem you are sensing in their lives. You might not know for sure what the problem is, but you sense they need help,...

"Jesus is my life," the pastor of Vantage Point Church, Rustenburg, exclaimed casually today, and I love how he said it. It reminded me of teens, or myself as a teen, pointing out some rock band or ideology with the exclamation, "Music is my life" as though music gave me breath, gave me love, gave me eternity. When the pastor said those words, "Jesus is my life", he said it with an emphasis on "life". It made me really proud to be able to use that expression and this time equating life with its source rather than an idol. I realise now that making anything other than Jesus your life is actually just idolatry. When you say, "Music is my life", what you are meaning is that you love music above everything else. Music gives meaning to your life in a way that nothing else does, and you can't imagine your life without it. Furthermore, you don't think you could live without music. That is why I love that song by Michael...

I can appreciate subtlety in matters with a sensitive nature. It is important to approach with gentleness the object of distress. Furthermore one should ease into words with a quiet spirit and voice, as though not to overwhelm the listener. There are words that when spoken too loudly will be too harsh to the heart and thus will bypass it, taking no effect, planting no seed. The words, like balls, will simply bounce over onto dry soil. There is a time for everything, but for everything there is a certain way. Each situation calls for something else. There is no formula that guarantees success. There is often a simple prompting, and given the unique situation, it calls for that prompting to be put into action. That prompting, if it comes with the Holy Spirit, is just that: holy. It is intended for application. It is intended for a higher purpose than the mundane routines of earthly life. The force of nature is great. And yet there is a force greater than this. And we ofte...

My latest truffle of a read is Balthasar Gracian. This titbit about expectations was an especially tasty morsel of wisdom I wanted to share with you. Some background: Balthasar Gracian lived in the 1600s as a jesuit priest and wrote 300 aphorisms (a pithy observation that contains a general truth, such as, “if it ain't broke, don't fix it.”) which came to be known as 'The Art of Worldly Wisdom', much in the line of Sun Tzu's "The Art of War". Here goes... It is the usual ill-luck of all celebrities not to fulfil afterwards the expectations beforehand formed of them. The real can never equal the imagined, for it is easy to form ideals but very difficult to realise them. Imagination weds Hope and gives birth to much more than things are in themselves. However great the excellences, they never suffice to fulfil expectations, and as men find themselves disappointed with their exorbitant expectations they are more ready to be disillusionised than to admir...

As I write this, magic tears from heaven fall, I think, Great! God has heard my call. I seek restoration My heart hurts from the fall. What is the most important thing in life? Your will. Not love? Perhaps love is further than I thought, Or it too has growing pains. Who is to know except You? Lord, I seek to remind You of the promise You made, that we could ask You for anything if we ask in Your name, in the name of Jesus Christ, who is Lord of all, and for those who believe, You will answer that call, because You love us, You love Your children. Remember, God, how much You love us! And we, down here on earth, we often don't know what we want. Even now, as I write these words, I realise I haven't asked You anything at all. I am really just babbling like a pagan, the one thing You say we shouldn't do at all. So, Lord, Father, Holy Spirit, I want to come humbly before You and for no reason other than an expectancy of Your promise fulfilled, I ...

He planned to travel by train to Elgin Valley in the Cape. He was attending a wedding of one of his best mates. He looked forward to the train ride He looked forward to its insights. He wished it had already come The sights of mountains and forests Perhaps they'd pass oceans and seas and he'd smell the salt breeze in between. Who'll be in his cabin for company? Will it be no one or someone free? He looked forward very much to the train ride to Elgin Valley. He looked forward to the Cape and the salty sea breeze.

An excerpt from an interview in The New Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson: QUESTION: You have said on several occasions that a society can be no more stable than the strengths of its individual family units. More specifically, you said sexual behavior is directly linked to survival of nations. Explain how. ANSWER: A book could be written on that topic, but let me give you a short answer to it. This linkage you referred to was first illuminated by J.D. Unwin, a British social anthropologist who spent seven years studying the births and deaths of eighty civilizations. He reported from his exhaustive research that every known culture in the world’s history has followed the same sexual pattern: during its early days of existence, premarital and extramarital sexual relationships were strictly prohibited. Great creative energy was associated with this inhibition of sexual expression, causing the culture to prosper. Much later in the life of the society, its people began to reb...

Where does the mind wander to when not walking in the light? I ask. I am asking you instead where your mind wanders to when you are not walking in the dark? Are there not forests of lush green and thirsty leaves and flowers in full bloom just before their sudden death that you suddenly see and never knew were there? Have I not shown you the many wonders you missed out before when your eyes saw not the reality of the beauty of life because you were so busy wondering what this life is all about. But indeed you have come to see beyond the realm of this reality. Oh, I have so much more to show you, child, and I tip my fingers together in childlike excitement because I know your face will light up when you see what I have to still show you, and you will be so amazed that tears will stream down your beautiful face. Of course I see your frustration and your deep hurts and I know you don't know where to take them, though you bring them to me a lot, and yet you hold on so...

“When people ask for time, it’s always for time to say no. Yes has one more letter in it, but it doesn’t take half as long to say.” (The Children pub. 1928) Edith Wharton Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell I don't believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive. Joseph Campbell Love is a friendship set to music. Joseph Campbell

God placed her in a cup it seemed that the road was mapped out for her the choices were few and suddenly she was swimming in a current and she feared the worst she was swimming with the flow for lack of choice and freedom escaped her she thought there was only this way because she was here now and this is all she could see and then she remembered the wise young man she once did meet who said to her are you the fish that swims with the stream or are you the one that turns around and lets the other fish follow you? he had inspired her and she had loved him but still she turned from him as though she did not want to take love when it presented itself to her and instead she showed him defiance and he teased her with Oscar Wylde's Woman of No Importance at her very own stall it matters not, not now anyway instead she returns to this blissful day when she realises the challenge that stands and she knows some days you have to stand for something and other ...

Today someone asked me, what is the most outrageous thing I have done this year? I can't think of a single thing that I chose to do that was outrageous as far as one's general perception of outrageous is concerned. Right now I am kneeling on my carpet to write this blog because the cable doesn't reach all the way to my bed, and that seems outrageous! After all, I could be usual and plug it in at my desk, but who wants to work at a desk when you are on holiday? So, carpet it is! My friend from school just let me in on a message he sent me many years ago on a Valentine's card. And its interpretation was intriguing: what we had in common was that we loved the deep things of life, and that we wait for answers. Well, I think I have failed in the department of waiting many times, where I guessed rather than waited. I dived rather than checked the water's depth. I swam where I could stand, and I fell where I needed to fly. So be it. Life is a journey, they s...

We all have ideas of the ideal. The truth may be very far removed from our ideal. But the truth is more important than our ideal. The truth is the truth. It is an objective thing. It is not subject to interpretation. The truth sets people free. (John 8.32)

I am sitting cross-legged on a queen-sized bed in my parents' house in Broederstroom. A large mosquito net is pitched over me. My throat is itching from either pollen or dust. I am ready to go to bed. Today, being my first holiday, I slept til nine, ate fried eggs on toast for breakfast, and made my way here, where I was given presents from Germany - necklaces and clothes - and watched a slide-show of the new house my parents bought in Germany. I was excited for them. It is beautiful. The environment is wonderful, and the house is truly cute. There is a beautiful church nearby. You have to cross a bridge to get there. There is a lake where you can ferry across. You can cycle for hours. A part of me was jealous. I wanted to live there. I wanted to live in a cute little house with beautiful, natural and lush surroundings. I wonder. I wonder about my future. Just because I feel like I have to decide. And a part of me is afraid of letting a place choose my life ...

To Daniel, Man oh man, I know how you feel, but it will be gone, it will be gone. I can't say much more to you now, only I hope you do what we asked of you. I know it's hard. I know you might just "forget" and move along, But I know you want to move on, from where you are now, and where you don't want to be. I am sorry, man, but I know my sorries won't take away your pain. There is nothing I can do, or you, for that matter, that is just the plain truth. I wonder what you'll be thinking about tomorrow, if the words we spoke will reach you after a night of drinking and smoking and other possible things which know no end. I am not saying this with a head that rocks from side to side, "tsking", but rather I expect it, for I was much the same. I couldn't see through the cloud, and I didn't want to live without it, without the veil that made me feel protected from truth which can be so painful. I want to let you know that the ...

Josh Wilson wrote one of those A three-minute song to say how precious time is to say how we have little left but I can't go on his note and sing his song cause I've gotta write my own gotta pave the way as a pioneer with a machete through the wild parks of gorilla country Ok, admittedly that would not make a great song. But all I've got is gone. (3 minutes)

I have writer's block. I will have to enter it as such. There is nothing like someone telling you you should be writing to make you not able to write. Suddenly a pressure mounts as though there is a great expectation from your words. What can they possibly achieve? How can they get around the thoughts in your head to the point you need to make? Oh, expression! Wherefore art though good for?

There was an injured bird at my entrance this evening. It gawked. It could not fly. Its leg or wing was injured. It was so close to me that I could see its colors. I wondered what to do. I thought of the kids at school. They rescue fallen birds and put them in boxes and take care of them. I should do the same, I thought. I got a box from my neighbor, and then I approached the bird. It was weird that I was afraid to rescue the bird. I don't know why I was afraid. It couldn't very well harm me. Even if its beak were sharp, it wouldn't really harm me much. And yet when it moved, I got a fright. And in the next moment it fluttered its wings and flew away, and I knew I had lost it forever. It had gotten such an adrenalin rush that it was able to fly despite its pain. My heart went out to it, as I thought of its future. Either it would die alone, or be eaten by a cat or dog, or other unspeakable things. Death was and is inevitable. What was the right thing to do...

I thought falling in love would be easier. I thought you'd meet someone who you found cute and attractive, and then you got chatting, and you'd laugh and have so much to say that you just never wanted the evening to end. But then it does, and it's okay, because you are excited for another day. What else could you discover, what areas could you explore, where in your hearts, minds and souls would you wander into and find the treasures you trust are there? It must be a miracle, I think sometimes, to find someone whose company you enjoy, who is easy to get along with, whom you can trust and talk to about all kinds of things, and also someone you like as a person, find attractive, believe in, are fascinated by, find interesting, can learn something from, and still have fun with and someone who makes you laugh. I come home sometimes, and then, in insignificant moments, I think on it, about young couples, or recent couples, and how it seemed easy for them, natural almost, a...

It is true that I miss friends in conversation. I miss their opinions and ideas, and their reactions in conversations I have. It is as though they are still with me somehow, in spirit, and I think of them, guessing what they would say, or how they'd react. With some friends I did not always agree. I did not always see eye to eye even though they believed essentially the same as I. Yet, as a person of common interest and similar passions, I appreciate them. I love them. And I enjoy them as part of my life, even when they are not here with me. I love all different kinds of people, not because I choose this, but it has become evident that the further away someone seems to me, the more interested I am to get to know them. If they seem to come from a place I have never been to, I want to read their minds, like a book, and live for a short moment in their shoes. And then there are those friends whom I have come to love, as though God sent them to me, to both be a blessing and t...

Tonight was experienced the Himalayas through the telling of Malcolm Pearse, photographer and mountaineer of summits that include Kilimanjaro, Mount Kenya, Machu Picchu (the Inca Trail), The Karakoram (K2 base camp), the Galapagos Islands, China, Tibet and the Himalayas. At my first church, Church of Christ, a young man came up to me and introduced himself. "I'm Jan," he said and took my hand. "I'm Nicole," I replied. "Nepal?" he asked, and I laughed. And since then he always greeted me with "Nepal" and I liked it. In Nepal, Malcolm explained, they love to dance after they have eaten. And then he showed us pictures of a group of St.Stithian pupils including their headmaster, Mr Wylde. It was a strange meeting of worlds. Lucy Wylde's father in a picture in a small room in a village in the middle of the Himalayan mountains, Nepal. (Lucy Wylde was at University with me - a brilliant actress and wonderful woman). When the littl...

The Pity of Love By William Butler Yeats A PITY beyond all telling Is hid in the heart of love: The folk who are buying and selling, The clouds on their journey above, The cold, wet winds ever blowing, And the shadowy hazel grove Where mouse-grey waters are flowing Threaten the head that I love By Janice M Pickett – a poem about the former poem Love is a moment in time its future unseen its pleasure for the present Love grows only when the soil like a bed of roses is tended and kept fertilised continually with a gentle hand Who knows if love new will become love old The future changes rapidly Each day brings something unexpected Love is an unknown commodity The future of love is indeed beyond telling Love is something to encompass Enjoyed and explored for the moment It cannot be planned nor tamed It explodes from nowhere lashing out its claws and grabbing you when least expected But it can let go just as fast Slapping you in the face with a vicious blow Love is Love It is you it...

I am in physical pain. Pity doesn't work. Neither does self-pity. There are things I can do in the hope that I will one day be okay. The hydrotherapist agreed to aqua-aerobics. I continue going. What comfort is there for people in physical pain? When in pain, it takes more effort to smile, be friendly and patient. Your focus is not as readily available as it was before the pain began. I am asking what one can do to overcome physical pain? What are God-given painkillers? Medicinal painkillers I choose not to take. I believe they cause greater internal damage than is worth. They do not solve the problem. They numb the pain. They do not change the situation. They do not amend the situation. They don't help. I remember the cold table I lay on in hospital. I laughed from the pain. I thought it ridiculous. I knew that if I couldn't handle it, I would pass out. The fact that I was conscious meant that this pain was bearable. After two or three hours after my...

Been thinking about it today. And most days. But haven't put it into words. Now I will attempt to. Might not be easy. What I wanna write about is judging others. I speak from the point of view of being a Christian, and thus belonging to the Body of Christ. Being part of the Body of Christ was not something I earned. I am not a "good" person and therefore passed the test into God's kingdom. Quite the opposite happened, actually. One of the most profound teachings I ever received was during a home cell meeting I was invited to in 2003, when I had seen God as My Saviour and desired to know His way. At this particular meeting the scripture came up that spoke of being a vessel that is broken rather than crushed. Gareth had asked us what we would rather be - crushed or broken. Most people answered they would rather be broken, but I shook my head and thought, I'd rather be crushed. In my mind it was better to be either one or the other - either dead or alive...

The Goal 6 September 2010 There is no point of running from church to church. Instead we should be running with the churches towards Christ from whom we came and to whom we aim to return. No church is perfect, and we all agree. We can find fault with our own church, and talk about how much better it could be. We may go so far as to fantasize about leaving and finding the church that meets all our needs. Rick Warren, author of The Purpose Driven Life, says the following about being realistic in your expectations of the church, “Longing for the ideal while criticizing the real is evidence of immaturity. On the other hand, settling for the real without striving for the ideal is complacency. Maturity is living with the tension.” As a part of the kingdom of God, and until the day Jesus’ return, nothing on this earth will meet the ideal. An ideal is an image of perfection, and God is that image. Only in His presence does imperfection disappear. We are made in His image and...

Wanna share with you something I have been reading about lately. Mother Teresa reminded that we are mere tools in the hands of God. We are put on earth to be filled with His Holy Spirit and then do His works with this Spirit. That's all. When we speak His Word, we have done our part, if that is what the Spirit has instructed us to do at that particular moment in time. Obedience is key. We have to guard ourselves against then expecting something in return. This is not a pure motive, but selfishness. We are not to then stand in judgment of the hearer's reaction toward the Word. We need to trust that the Word has been planted if the person was open to receive, and if the person was not, to pray that God will use another person in another situation at another time to open that person's heart to receive His Word. (Also, Mother Teresa never asks people why they have AIDS, or leprosy, etc, but deals with their immediate need without judgement. I love that! ...