With my parents again
I am living with my parents again. I moved out when I was nineteen years old. I am thirty-one now. "If you live under my roof, you live under my rules," my mother will say when there is something I am reluctant to do at the time of her instruction. It is not as bad as it sounds.
I love my parents. I don't always understand them, but I see their fragility and their broken-heartedness they'd never admit to. Living with people takes some getting used to, and it is not easy to live with a sense of restriction. My mother does not like it when I am on the phone. She never has, and I guess some things don't change. She worries about the phone bill, although it is not hers to carry.
My father and I made lunch today. I really enjoyed making lunch with him. He took care of the meat (fillet steak), while I made mash potatoes and mushrooms sauteed in butter. He did not look over my shoulder to check I was doing the right thing. He just let me do what I thought best. And we were both quite satisfied with the meal we'd made. It was quite a sight - the two of us wobbling about in the kitchen, he struggling with his balance, I struggling with my pelvis.
I had hoped (and still do) that God will enter into this house, miraculously, without force, but through His mysterious ways, and in love. I truly want to have a good relationship with my parents, and this time is a great opportunity for us to grow closer as a family and forgive each other for what we hold against each other. It is also a great opportunity to see each other as people rather than family members with certain roles to play.
Constantly I am asking myself what is reasonable, what is right, what is fair, what is good. I wonder about their expectations of me, and my expectations of them. I wonder what I need to do, what my responsibilities are while I live at home, and what I should not do, if there is anything at all.
But most of all, I pray that they will make a choice to follow God's Word, the Bible, and to allow it to grow in their hearts from a small seed to an orchard. Amen.
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