What's in a cup?

Love eludes me like a feather of a winged bird  that zigzags through the sky and lands next to me  on an empty chair.  My soul is the colour of the ocean whose moods sway like the tides and leaves an impression carefree but whose riptides take in  what lands on the surface  and drags it down deep  to where the blues are black  and depression sinks in I spit out what does not belong but I am forever changed  one by one I am told the ocean is beautiful  but I just feel ignored  as though the wind were a storm and won't let the feather rest  in my hand and in my heart.  

 I cock my head onto its side And pull a pitiful smile over my face And wonder how other women are behaving To receive and hold the attention To be loved, loving and lovable Who have faith and also religion My heart has shrunk to a tiny ball I am not quite sure what it holds  Except the lonely pain of an empty life Void of the one thing that matters most The thing that changes the color of your world  Without it, God says, you have nothing.  Hence I feel the loom of nothingness.  I feel like nothing. I feel nothing.  Just an empty shell.  Void of the one thing I can’t do without.  I don’t have a plan.  Always relied on fate. How different is fate to faith?  What do I really believe?  Proverbs 22:6